I love Easter almost as much as Christmas! Maybe it's because they both revolve around the most significant events in the life of the Savior, his life and death; and both holidays give me a reason to pause and consider the impact these events have on my life in a very personal way.
Honestly, I had a terrible day yesterday; I didn't want to go to work but, of course, I had to go from 9-2 even though it's my weekend with the kids. After I got off work I spent the remainder of the afternoon planning and preparing for our Easter Sunday brunch and subsequent plans to go camping at Malibu. My son older son came home from his job and promptly, but with a hesitation and sadness to his voice, informed me that he has to work on Monday and therefore could not join us on our camping trip. I won't go into all the ugly details, but let's just say that everything fell apart, the camping trip got canceled and I suddenly was looking at an Easter Sunday that looked pretty much NOTHING like what I'd planned. This is my first Easter with the kids, last year my ex-husband had them...and I don't get very many days off with my retail job...and the leaky faucet in my eyes just started and pretty soon, I was in mama-meltdown mode.
I was just so very sad....and one of the things I've noticed about being divorced...is it's NEVER just about the outward event or exchange...every event in my life is now layered with a series of emotional nuances, feelings, symbols and triggers. I was so saddened and upset by it all, I was Humpty-Dumpty who'd just fallen off the wall and it was time to bring in the big guns....my sister, my mom, and a very special boyfriend...to put Humpty-Dumpty back together again! After talking to all three...my perspective began changing and I realized 1) Yet again, where I have work left to do on my own emotional well-being, and 2) That I am so very blessed to have people in my life who love me, accept me and will help me when I need it.
Our plans are very different today than I'd spent weeks arranging...but we're all going to still be together, and it's looking like we're all going to have fun together as we head to my folks house in San Diego. BUT...the most important lesson I took away from this is that I realized that it doesn't really matter WHAT I do today outwardly, if I don't pay attention to the inward reason for why this holiday exists then I miss the point entirely. I was sad because MY plans, my outward plans, weren't going the way I wanted them to... I was feeling alone, sad, and disappointed. I reached out to those around me and began feeling better.... But all the while, I was missing the point...which is that the one source of love that is ALWAYS available to me, my Savior's love, was being ignored. Time for a re-focus...
How truly grateful I am for the atoning sacrifice and unconditional love that He willing offers to me, that my life might have a foundation of peace, gratitude and serenity to it - even amidst the plans gone awry according to my own designs! I got off course yesterday, focusing more on the logistics of the day rather than the meaning of the celebration. Yes, it was frustrating...yes, I was disappointed....and YES, today is STILL Easter and meaningful in it's own right for reasons totally unrelated to my plan. And for THAT, I am very thankful.
So, enjoy your day today - no matter how it looks, how you got here, or how you may feel about the activities....it's a GOOD day with the potential for His love to abound in your life...just look around for it, it's there.
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